Originally written on August 7, 2005
I remember the first time my father spoke to me as an adult. I was thirty. I had always looked up to my dad because he has many characteristics that are larger than life. Our relationship had always been that of a father and child. It did not change as I became a teenager and as I entered adulthood this unchanging relationship was the cause of much strain. So I was caught off guard as my dad began to speak to me over lunch one day at Chik-fil-a.
As he spoke to me he began to confess the things that he had done wrong in raising my brother and me. It was a remarkable moment. Mainly because I noticed very few of his mistakes. He always worked to provide for us, loved my mother with all his heart, gave us plenty of hugs and kisses, and told us that he loved us everyday. So why would he admit to making mistakes in raising his children? After all, he had done a pretty exceptional job.
The truth of the matter is that no matter how good we do as parents and children, we will make mistakes. We are sinful people with a sinful nature. At any moment we may choose to look out for ourselves rather than look out for our children or parents. If we do not confess our mistakes to one another there can never be restoration in our relationships.
Many parents I see have gone years and years without acknowledging this fact to their children. This does not mean that you cease to be the parent, but rather you admit that parents are not flawless. In Colossians 3:20-21 the Apostle Paul gives us two interesting instructions. First, for children to be obedient to their parents. This is a must. Second, is for parents not to exasperate their children, that is- provoke them to anger. Why would Paul tell us not to provoke our children to anger unless it is our tendency to do so? So many rules are bound to make us look like hypocrites at least once in our lives.
I believe the answer is confession. Let your children know that you have made mistakes and that you want to be a better parent than you have been in the past. State the areas where you believe you have fallen short and tell how you want that area to change. Children are still commanded to obey their parents’ decisions, because this pleases the Lord. So children, when and if your parents gain the humility to confess their mistakes to you, forgive them. You too will need this same forgiveness one-day.
I remember the first time my father spoke to me as an adult. I was thirty. I had always looked up to my dad because he has many characteristics that are larger than life. Our relationship had always been that of a father and child. It did not change as I became a teenager and as I entered adulthood this unchanging relationship was the cause of much strain. So I was caught off guard as my dad began to speak to me over lunch one day at Chik-fil-a.
As he spoke to me he began to confess the things that he had done wrong in raising my brother and me. It was a remarkable moment. Mainly because I noticed very few of his mistakes. He always worked to provide for us, loved my mother with all his heart, gave us plenty of hugs and kisses, and told us that he loved us everyday. So why would he admit to making mistakes in raising his children? After all, he had done a pretty exceptional job.
The truth of the matter is that no matter how good we do as parents and children, we will make mistakes. We are sinful people with a sinful nature. At any moment we may choose to look out for ourselves rather than look out for our children or parents. If we do not confess our mistakes to one another there can never be restoration in our relationships.
Many parents I see have gone years and years without acknowledging this fact to their children. This does not mean that you cease to be the parent, but rather you admit that parents are not flawless. In Colossians 3:20-21 the Apostle Paul gives us two interesting instructions. First, for children to be obedient to their parents. This is a must. Second, is for parents not to exasperate their children, that is- provoke them to anger. Why would Paul tell us not to provoke our children to anger unless it is our tendency to do so? So many rules are bound to make us look like hypocrites at least once in our lives.
I believe the answer is confession. Let your children know that you have made mistakes and that you want to be a better parent than you have been in the past. State the areas where you believe you have fallen short and tell how you want that area to change. Children are still commanded to obey their parents’ decisions, because this pleases the Lord. So children, when and if your parents gain the humility to confess their mistakes to you, forgive them. You too will need this same forgiveness one-day.
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Bless you