When I was in my last year of seminary my wife and I began trying to have children. This had been our plan from the beginning; to finish school first and then start our families. We wanted the timing to be "perfect" and being as we were eager to have children we started trying to conceive nine months before graduation.
The first few months were disappointing, but we were assured by everyone that these things just take some time. Then (as it seemed to us) all of our friends began to announce that they were expecting. It seems that many of the students shared our same game plan. So we were happy for them, but began to be more and more impatient as time went on.
We began to resort to desperate thinking, like many people do. Maybe we have done something wrong, maybe God is made at us, maybe we are out of his will.
As we passed the "one year" mark we noticed that our hearts had taken on a new and more dangerous characteristic. We were jealous.
We would look down on other couples who we deemed as unfit parents and complain that we could do a much better job at parenting than they could. We were in a bit of despair.
Then God - acting out of his grace - gave us one verse while we were teaching our third and fourth grade Sunday School class.
Matthew 20:15b "Are you jealous, because I am generous?"
My wife and I cried at the light God had shed on our situation. We were both young, healthy, and in love with each other. We both came from great families and both of us had our Masters Degree. We had many things that a lot of people would desperately love to get. But we wanted more and went so far as to think that God had acted wrongly.
The truth is this; we don't deserve any of the good things that God gives to us, so we should look specifically at those things, tally them up and thank God individually for them all.
And if God chooses to leave a gift or two or all - out of our lives, then we must look to the God who has given us salvation in his son and say, "Thank you God, that You are generous!"
The first few months were disappointing, but we were assured by everyone that these things just take some time. Then (as it seemed to us) all of our friends began to announce that they were expecting. It seems that many of the students shared our same game plan. So we were happy for them, but began to be more and more impatient as time went on.
We began to resort to desperate thinking, like many people do. Maybe we have done something wrong, maybe God is made at us, maybe we are out of his will.
As we passed the "one year" mark we noticed that our hearts had taken on a new and more dangerous characteristic. We were jealous.
We would look down on other couples who we deemed as unfit parents and complain that we could do a much better job at parenting than they could. We were in a bit of despair.
Then God - acting out of his grace - gave us one verse while we were teaching our third and fourth grade Sunday School class.
Matthew 20:15b "Are you jealous, because I am generous?"
My wife and I cried at the light God had shed on our situation. We were both young, healthy, and in love with each other. We both came from great families and both of us had our Masters Degree. We had many things that a lot of people would desperately love to get. But we wanted more and went so far as to think that God had acted wrongly.
The truth is this; we don't deserve any of the good things that God gives to us, so we should look specifically at those things, tally them up and thank God individually for them all.
And if God chooses to leave a gift or two or all - out of our lives, then we must look to the God who has given us salvation in his son and say, "Thank you God, that You are generous!"
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